I am determined to see things differently.
This lesson directly follows from the preceding one. It is interesting to note that Jesus talks specifically about anger in this lesson, even though it is not reflected in the title at all. He illustrates the idea that there is no hierarchy of illusions by having us realize that anger consists of a wide range of thoughts. We begin with the specific instructions, which usually come at the end of the lesson:
(1:1-2:2) The idea for today is obviously a continuation and extension of the preceding one. This time, however, specific mind-searching periods are necessary, in addition to applying the idea to particular situations as they may arise. Five practice periods are urged, allowing a full minute for each.
In the practice periods, begin by repeating the idea to yourself. Then close your eyes and search your mind carefully for situations past, present or anticipated that arouse anger in you.
This is the mind searching we had discussed earlier, and now Jesus wants us to focus specifically on our anger. The problem is that we cannot be determined to see things differently at the same time we are angry, because our anger says: “I am determined to see things the way I have always seen them. My perception is right, Jesus’ is wrong, and I will go to my death to prove it.” Jesus is now helping us realize that before we can say “I am determined to see differently,” we have to understand our thoughts, which is why he asks us to get in touch with them. In other words, vision can come only by undoing our thoughts of anger, or correcting our mistaken decision for the ego. Saying no to the ego is the way of learning to see.
(2:3-5) The anger may take the form of any reaction ranging from mild irritation to rage. The degree of the emotion you experience does not matter. You will become increasingly aware that a slight twinge of annoyance is nothing but a veil drawn over intense fury.
This last line is the one I mentioned earlier in Lesson 16, one of the more famous lines in A Course in Miracles. It is so important, in fact, that Jesus virtually repeats it in the manual for teachers (M-17.4:5). Everything is the same. Forms vary, but their content remains the same, as this lesson clearly explains. Statements such as these illustrate just how radical this course is. For all intents and purposes it invalidates all our experiences and beliefs.
(3:1-2) Try, therefore, not to let the “little” thoughts of anger escape you in the practice periods. Remember that you do not really recognize what arouses anger in you, and nothing that you believe in this connection means anything.
We think that what arouses anger in us is what people do or fail to do, but what truly arouses our anger is the need to project responsibility for the separation:
“Anger always involves projection of separation, which must ultimately be accepted as one’s own responsibility, rather than being blamed on others (T-6.in.1:2).”
That fact is what we do not want to acknowledge. We need to proclaim: “I am not guilty of the sin of murdering God and betraying His Love. Someone else is.” When I see it out there – because I put it there – I believe I am justified in getting angry; a neat trick, at which we all are pretty expert. It matters not whether I am enraged or only mildly annoyed. Either way I am saying that my well being depends on something or someone external. In the absence of that special object I will be upset, and it will not be my fault.
(3:3-5) You will probably be tempted to dwell more on some situations or persons than on others, on the fallacious grounds that they are more “obvious.” This is not so. It is merely an example of the belief that some forms of attack are more justified than others.
For the first time we see a specific example of the principle that there is no hierarchy of illusions. Jesus uses anger as the example because it is so central to the ego’s thought system. Everyone walks around angry, because everyone walks around guilty over the separation and not wanting to accept responsibility for it. Thus again, before we can be determined to see things differently, we have to recognize and understand the interference to seeing things differently: there is something out there – whether in our own body or another’s – that causes us pain that is not of our doing. In other words, our thoughts have no power, and thus cannot cause us distress. Someone else has brought this upset about, or some disease or circumstance. We are innocent, the helpless victim of forces beyond our control.
The rest of the lesson repeats instructions we have seen before.
(4-5) As you search your mind for all the forms in which attack thoughts present themselves, hold each one in mind while you tell yourself:
I am determined to see _________ [name of person] differently.
I am determined to see _________ [specify the situation] differently.
Try to be as specific as possible. You may, for example, focus your anger on a particular attribute of a particular person, believing that the anger is limited to this aspect. If your perception is suffering from this form of distortion, say:
I am determined to see _________ [specify the attribute] in ________ [name of person] differently.
“Try to be as specific as possible” is the key here. Our temptation will often be to gloss over the specific forms of upset of our life, unconsciously trying to deny them as the means of denying their source. Thus our ego would get us twice: first by teaching us to deny our guilt, and then to deny its specific defense of anger. This is the double shield of oblivion Jesus describes in Lesson 136.
