I am determined to see.
There are relatively few lessons like this in the workbook; Lesson 95 is especially similar. Their importance lies not so much in the specific theme, as much as it lies in Jesus explaining what he is doing in these exercises: how to do them, and how not to do them. He begins by discussing the practice periods.
(1:1-2) We have been quite casual about our practice periods thus far. There has been virtually no attempt to direct the time for undertaking them, minimal effort has been required, and not even active cooperation and interest have been asked.
In other words, Jesus is being very gentle. He says: “Take a minute or two, and if that is too much, take less. Do it two or three times a day. If that is too much, do it less.” He explains:
(1:3-6) This approach has been intentional, and very carefully planned. We have not lost sight of the crucial importance of the reversal of your thinking. The salvation of the world depends on it. Yet you will not see if you regard yourself as being coerced, and if you give in to resentment and opposition.
Thus Jesus tells us: “I am not trying to convince you that I am right and you are wrong, nor am I trying to compel you to believe these concepts. I am being as gentle as I can, asking only that you go along with me, whether you believe in this or not.” This is not an argument. Since Jesus is not trying to prove that you are wrong and he is right, you should not be trying to prove yourself right and him wrong. Our only reason for reversing our thinking should not be because of him, but because of us: we would feel better if we did. Becoming happy is the motivation Jesus is trying to instill in us, as we shall see presently. It is important to proceed as you would with a new pair of shoes: Try them on and walk around for a while. If they feel comfortable, keep them; if not, discard them. And so, pardon the pun, we are ready for the next step as Jesus says: “I have not been giving you a lot of structure, until now”:
(2:1-5) This is our first attempt to introduce structure. Do not misconstrue it as an effort to exert force or pressure. You want salvation. You want to be happy. You want peace.
Motivation now is the focus. The ego’s motivation is the exact opposite of happiness. Everyone would say they want salvation, happiness and peace, but it is always acquired at someone else’s expense, an inevitability of the ego thought system. If I am happy, I have to get something from someone else; if I have to get something, someone will have less of it. This is the essence of the special relationship, a term, incidentally, that does not appear at all in the workbook, although clearly its hateful dynamics are reflected throughout. Jesus is thus trying to tell us we really want salvation, which means we really want to be free of our guilt. We really want to be happy and peaceful.
(2:6) You do not have them now, because your mind is totally undisciplined…
If you have any questions about this, just think how difficult it is for you to go around realizing that everything you see or react to is literally not there. That provides some idea of the undisciplined nature of your mind. You can be attentive right now and understand everything that is being said. Yet, it is almost guaranteed that within minutes, if not seconds, you will return to your old way of being: holding grievances, becoming upset about something, and actually believing there is no connection between your thoughts and the images you perceive. That is what Jesus means by being “undisciplined.” He is not rebuking us, but simply saying: “You must recognize that this is true. Otherwise you will not let me help you.”
(2:6-8 ) … and you cannot distinguish between joy and sorrow, pleasure and pain, love and fear. You are now learning how to tell them apart. And great indeed will be your reward.
This is a major theme in A Course in Miracles, both here and in the text (e.g., T- 7.X; T-8.II; T-19.IV-B.12-15). It has not been the first time we have made this observation, nor will it be the last. It goes to the heart of Jesus’ attempt at motivating us to learn his course so that we would be truly happy and joyful. Normally, what brings us joy and pleasure is getting what we want. We think love is specialness – having our needs met – and we are not aware that this is part of the ego system, and thus will only bring us guilt and pain.
(3:1) Your decision to see is all that vision requires.
The problem is that we do not want to see, and so Jesus first has to help us realize how much we do not want to, a wish that comes from the recognition that if we see through his eyes we can no longer blame anyone. Seeing through his eyes means that reality is not what we perceive outside, but his love for us, the reflection of the reality of God’s Love.
Thus we need to be aware of how much we do not want to give up the certainty that we are right about our perceptions, because we certainly do not want to give up our certainty about what we perceive inside our sinful and guilty self. As painful as that self- image may be, it is still my selfishness, which establishes my existence. I am reminded of one of Helen’s favorite poetic lines – which she would misquote, by the way – from Yeats’ poem, “Aedh wishes for the Cloths of Heaven”: “Tread lightly on my dreams. They are dreams. Yet they are my dreams.”*
(3:2-8 ) What you want is yours. Do not mistake the little effort that is asked of you for an indication that our goal is of little worth. Can the salvation of the world be a trivial purpose? And can the world be saved if you are not? God has one Son, and he is the resurrection and the life. His will is done because all power is given him in Heaven and on earth. In your determination to see is vision given you.
The language in these passages is clearly biblical: New Testament terms and descriptions of Jesus. He is God’s Son, and “the resurrection and the life,” and “all power is given him in Heaven and on earth.” But Jesus is telling us here: “Yes, this is true of me, but it is also true of you. Moreover, the world cannot be saved if you are not.” It is obvious by now that this world is not external, for Jesus’ focus is always on the internal — what we think. Again, we need to be motivated to think differently, and thus to see differently.
(4) The exercises for today consist in reminding yourself throughout the day that you want to see. Today’s idea also tacitly implies the recognition that you do not see now. Therefore, as you repeat the idea, you are stating that you are determined to change your present state for a better one, and one you really want.
This is how Jesus begins the process of changing our motivation – from guilt to happiness. We do not want to see now because we believe vision will bring pain. Only when we learn that it brings happiness will we want to change from the ego’s form of seeing.
(5:1-2) Repeat today’s idea slowly and positively at least twice an hour today, attempting to do so every half hour. Do not be distressed if you forget to do so, but make a real effort to remember.
Jesus is slowly and gently introducing us to the all-important concept of sin vs. error. To forget today’s idea is not a sin, but merely an error or mistake that we wish to correct so that we shall feel better. It is Jesus’ gentle teaching that undoes the ego’s harshness, and provides us with a model of kindness for all our interactions.
And finally:
(5:3-6) The extra repetitions should be applied to any situation, person or event that upsets you. You can see them differently, and you will. What you desire you will see. Such is the real law of cause and effect as it operates in the world.
If we see separation, vengeance, betrayal, or suffering, it is because we want to see them. This desire is the cause, and what we see is the effect. Jesus is trying to convince us that we really want to see differently. We obviously are not as yet convinced.
* The original reads: “But I, being poor, have only my dreams; / I have spread my dreams under your feet; / Tread softly because you tread on my dreams.”
