Above all else I want to see.
This lesson and the next form a pair – “Above all else I want to see” and “Above all else I want to see things differently” – and move us still further along in our learning, returning to the theme of motivation. Teachers recognize that the most important trait they wish to see in their students is the desire to learn. Without that motivation, nothing will go on in the classroom. Likewise, therapists cannot be of help to their patients unless they are motivated to change. Thus, we have to want to learn what A Course in Miracles is teaching us, otherwise even the world’s greatest teacher will fail. We want to learn Jesus’ course because it will make us happy. To do this, Jesus first has to convince us that we are not happy now. His need is nicely expressed in the opening to “The Happy Learner” in the text:
“The Holy Spirit needs a happy learner, in whom His mission can be happily accomplished. You who are steadfastly devoted to misery must first recognize that you are miserable and not happy. The Holy Spirit cannot teach without this contrast, for you believe that misery is happiness. This has so confused you that you have undertaken to learn to do what you can never do, believing that unless you learn it you will not be happy (T-14.II.1:1-4).”
Now to the lesson itself:
(1:1-4) Today’s idea expresses something stronger than mere determination. It gives vision priority among your desires. You may feel hesitant about using the idea, on the grounds that you are not sure you really mean it. This does not matter.
Jesus is not expecting anyone to really mean these words. If we give up judgment and choose vision, it is because we have chosen to let go of our investment in specialness, which to the ego means we are leaving ourselves wide open for attack. Without specialness to defend against our inner emptiness and lack, so the ego counsels us, we become vulnerable to the hostile world around us, hell-bent on our destruction.
(1:5) The purpose of today’s exercises is to bring the time when the idea will be wholly true a little nearer.
Jesus is making it clear, as he does throughout A Course in Miracles, that this is a process. Thus he does not expect us suddenly to drop the ego’s hand and take his. But he does want us to understand what the choices entail, so we know what we are growing into.
(2:1) There may be a great temptation to believe that some sort of sacrifice is being asked of you when you say you want to see above all else.
The theme of sacrifice will appear later in the lessons. To the ego, seeing through Christ’s vision is to sacrifice our personal identity, which is based on separation and judgment, fear and hate. From the ego’s point of view sacrifice is definitely involved if we are to survive: either we sacrifice our happiness and pleasure to atone for past sins, or others need be sacrificed for us to be happy and peaceful. Either way, someone must lose so that another wins – the ego’s principle of one or the other. The next lines provide the Holy Spirit’s answer to this principle of sacrifice:
(2:2-5) If you become uneasy about the lack of reservation involved, add:
Vision has no cost to anyone.
If fear of loss still persists, add further:
It can only bless.
Jesus is urging us to reflect our deeper motivation to learn by attempting to remember the lesson as often as possible throughout the day. It should be noted here, to be repeated again and again, that it is not sinful when we forget. Indeed, such forgetting provides us with very helpful information about ourselves. If we are truly to learn this course, we first have to understand how resistant we are to learning it. Unless we can undo this resistance – ultimately born of our fear of losing our self – we shall forever be failing in our learning progress. The first step in this process of undoing is becoming aware of the problem. Only then can it be truly addressed and gone beyond.
(3) The idea for today needs many repetitions for maximum benefit. It should be used at least every half hour, and more if possible. You might try for every fifteen or twenty minutes. It is recommended that you set a definite time interval for using the idea when you wake or shortly afterwards, and attempt to adhere to it throughout the day. It will not be difficult to do this, even if you are engaged in conversation, or otherwise occupied at the time. You can still repeat one short sentence to yourself without disturbing anything.
But Jesus knows his audience, and so he gently speaks to us. On the one hand he calls upon our motivation to learn, expressed in the recommended increase of practice; and on the other hand he reminds us not to feel guilty when we are resistant, as we now read:
(4:1-5) The real question is, how often will you remember [the lesson for the day]? How much do you want today’s idea to be true? Answer one of these questions, and you have answered the other. You will probably miss several applications, and perhaps quite a number. Do not be disturbed by this, but do try to keep on your schedule from then on.
Thus, Jesus is telling us not to feel guilty when we forget. He expects us to forget. But he is telling us that when we remember that we forgot, at least we should try to understand why we did so: we are not so sure we really want to learn this course. Part of us does, obviously; otherwise we would not be doing it. However, there is another part that has serious reservations about continuing on this path. Our identification with the ego and its thought system of separation and judgment is still quite strong.
(4:6) If only once during the day you feel that you were perfectly sincere while you were repeating today’s idea, you can be sure that you have saved yourself many years of effort.
In the text, Jesus refers to saving thousands of years (e.g., T-1.II.6:7). Even if you can only be sincere once during the day, that has already accomplished a great deal. It is helpful to recall that linear time is an illusion, and since our very existence is predicated on the reality of time and space, it is impossible for us to understand the truth of this last statement. Fortunately, our understanding is not necessary, only our little willingness (T-18.IV.7:5-6).
In the next lesson Jesus expands on these ideas.
