What I see is a form of vengeance.
This continues Lesson 21, which discussed anger and attack; specifically that there are no differences among their many forms – from annoyance to rage – for they all conceal the thought of separation and victimization. This lesson takes those principles one step further.
It is extremely important as we proceed to keep in mind the impossibility of being in this world without attack thoughts. If the world is made as an attack on God, as Jesus says much later in the workbook (W-pII.3.2:1) – to prove we are right and He is wrong – and if we identify with this world and the body, we are an inherent part of that thought system of attack. Therefore, the very concept of individual existence entails attack, if not murder, because in order for there to be existence God had to be destroyed.
Consequently, it is impossible to identify with the body – physically and psychologically – without sharing the entirety of the ego thought system. Of the many words that encapsulate the ego, attack is certainly high on the list.
(1:1-2) Today’s idea accurately describes the way anyone who holds attack thoughts in his mind must see the world. Having projected his anger onto the world, he sees vengeance about to strike at him.
As long as there are attack thoughts in our minds, we must see the world about to take vengeance on us. The second sentence, which is a classic description of projection, provides us with the reason. We all harbor attack thoughts, because, again, our individual identity is based on it. Given its origin – if I am to exist, then God must be destroyed – it rests on the principle of one or the other or kill or be killed. We all believe we are sinful because we believe we attacked God. This sense of sinfulness, along with the guilt that inevitably follows from it, is so overwhelming it cannot be tolerated. The ego therefore tells us to push sin and guilt into our unconscious and then project them out.
Furthermore, since the expectation of punishment is inherent in the very idea of guilt, the world arises as the ego’s means to prove we deserve to be punished, unfairly treated, and victimized. The beginning of our physical lives – conception and birth – is then seen as proof that we are the innocent victims of what other people have done to us. We are not here as a result of our own choices, but of a biological accident. This reflects the almost universal belief that we had nothing to do with our birth. Everything that happens to us from the time we are conceived is seen in the context of our being innocent victims of powers and forces beyond our control. The ego will always interpret these powers and forces as some form of attack on us, which the ego convinces us we deserve because of our original attack on God.
This is the central idea of the lesson. In fact, without understanding this unconscious dynamic one will not be able to understand A Course in Miracles – either the thought system of the ego, or its undoing through the Holy Spirit. As long as we believe we are separated, we believe we have attack thoughts, and these attack thoughts must be projected out. We will further believe, therefore, that others are doing, are about to do, or have already done to us what we believe we originally did to God and to His Son.
We can certainly assume that Jesus’ ongoing assignment to us as his students is understanding these dynamics in the context of the lessons and exercises in the workbook. He then asks us to apply the principles of their undoing – forgiveness – to our personal lives by recognizing how we manifest these ego thoughts in our everyday behavior.
(1:3) His own attack is thus perceived as self defense.
We forget we had the original attack thought, for we have projected it and now see everyone and every aspect of the world poised to attack us. We therefore feel justified in attacking in self-defense. This is the “face of innocence” I mentioned earlier, a concept described in greater detail in many places in the text (e.g., T-27.I; T-31.V). In Lesson 170 we shall see this concept of self-defense elaborated on in more depth as well.
(1:4-6) This becomes an increasingly vicious circle until he is willing to change how he sees. Otherwise, thoughts of attack and counterattack will preoccupy him and people his entire world. What peace of mind is possible to him then?
Jesus says this vicious circle of attack and defense – defense is always counterattack – cannot change until we change how we see. This means changing how we think, because perception and thinking are one: Ideas leave not their source.* What we perceive outside is simply a shadow of what we first perceived and made real in our minds. Whenever we feel at the mercy of forces beyond our control – forces within our own bodies, the bodies of others, the laws of the world or of nature – we affirm the truth of the ego’s thought system, which means that the reality of God and the Love of God are untrue.
Again, once we begin with the premise that we exist as separate, individual selves, it is impossible not to be trapped in this vicious circle of attack and counterattack. There is no way out unless we change the premise of our thinking, a process which is explained in more depth in Lesson 23.
(2:1-2) It is from this savage fantasy that you want to escape. Is it not joyous news to hear that it is not real?
It is most definitely not joyous news if you still believe you exist and are important, not to mention special. As long as you cling to your individual identity, it is not joyous news to be told that you could escape from this. This explains everyone’s resistance to these lessons, both in understanding them and certainly in applying them, not to mention resistance to what the text teaches. It would be extremely helpful as you go along to identify how much you cling to your self and the conviction you are right.
(2:3-5) Is it not a happy discovery to find that you can escape? You made what you would destroy; everything that you hate and would attack and kill. All that you fear does not exist.
What we would destroy is other people, as well as any other objects of our anger. We made the world that we seek to destroy, and that we believe seeks to destroy us. Everything we hate, would attack, and kill is part of our “savage fantasy,” the purpose of which is to prove our existence, but that someone else is responsible for it. Once again, we perceive ourselves to be the innocent victims of what has been done to us.
As you do this lesson, try to identify the fear and anxiety that arise as you begin to think about what Jesus is saying. The next paragraph provides a good opportunity for practicing this:
(3:1-6) Look at the world about you at least five times today, for at least a minute each time. As your eyes move slowly from one object to another, from one body to another, say to yourself:
I see only the perishable.
I see nothing that will last.
What I see is not real.
What I see is a form of vengeance.
Do this exercise in front of a mirror and see how much you believe what you say. As you gaze at a reflection of your separated self, say: “I see only the perishable”; “I see nothing that will last.” If you do this properly and thoughtfully, there is bound to be anxiety. If not, search your mind for your defenses against it. As long as you think you exist, and are special, unique, and important – whether positively or negatively – you will find these lessons difficult and anxiety-inducing, and will need to identify the resistance in yourself. Thus you will be better able to honestly address the final three sentences:
(3:7-9) At the end of each practice period, ask yourself:
Is this the world I really want to see?
The answer is surely obvious.
While the answer may be quite obvious to the right mind, to our egos this perishable self is nonetheless our self, and so the unfortunate, yet honest answer is: “Yes, I do want to see this.” But again, we are still, to quote Psychotherapy: Purpose, Process and Practice: “at the very start of the beginning stage of the first journey” (P- 3.II.8:5). There is much for us to learn.
* This central principle is stated in different ways in the Course. See, for example, T-26.VII.4:7; W-pI.132.5:3; W-pI.167.3:6.
